I have received some feedback from one of the members of our local writers group that suggests I use the Omniscient POV instead of the First Person POV for Dark Fae Crossing. This would mean a lot of changes to my current story, but it may make reading my story easier. Since Kalamity will no longer be telling her story, there would be less archaic words and phrases used overall. The only time the reader would read any archaic words would be in the dialogs between characters. This POV was used in both "Realmwalkers" and "Fayre Sea." I did not use Omniscient POV for "The Priestess and the Ravenknight", but that was a much shorter story.
Normally, I do not make such a drastic change to my stories on the basis of one person's feedback, but I have thought long on this, looked over my other two books and I think this is necessary.
I have a love of old archaic words and I strive to use them correctly in my novels, but I must consider the difficulty it creates for readers who buy and read my books. Therefore, since this new story is becoming quite long, I am going to rewrite it again in the Omniscient POV. I hope to have a NEW Part 1 posted in the next few days.
Please let me know your feedback over this decision. Did you ever have to change a story POV right in the middle of writing it? Why did you do it? Did the change help?
Let me know in the comments section below.
Wednesday, April 24, 2019
“Are you lost, child?” the merchant asked. Her smile faded at the sight of me.
“I would have those ice skates, Madam. I can pay.”
“Those? Oh, my… they are goin’ ta be dear, but I shall give them to ye for… ten silver.”
My heart sunk. I looked into my coin purse and pulled out five silver coins and several sticks of peppermint. I beamed at the candy and although it was dear to me, I handed it to the woman along with the coins.
The woman smiled at the coins and candy. “Well, I do like peppermint, but ’tis not enough, child. Have ye aught more ta offer? I can lower the price down ta eight, but not a copper less.”
“I worked long and to get those coins, Madam. I know not how long ’twill be afore I can get more. Prithee, sell me the ice skates and when I am fully grown and prosperous I shan’t forget thy kindness. What say you?”
The woman was in no mood to be so generous, even to a young one like me. “Nay, I shall keep this money and give ye back yer treats.”
“Fret not. I shall give ye a voucher. When ye have the three silver more for a total of eight, the skates shall be yers.” The woman began to write something on a piece of paper.
’Twas then I got a bit emotional and loud. Forget not that I was young and ignorant back then.
“I wish no paper. I would have those skates now… uh… uh… if you please?” I started jumping up and down in front of her. My wings flapped and trembled in my growing fury. My mind flooded with thoughts of stealing the skates, hurting the woman, and trying not cry whilst I did so.
“Ye shall get these skates once I get the rest of the money, little sprite. Behold, I shall put them into this sack. What name go ye by? I shall write it here now fer safe keepin’.”
The woman did well to keep calm despite my fury, not that it helped for my outburst was drawing attention. I noticed a few people watching from a distance, trying not to get involved. But what really caught my eye was a boy, a dark fae boy.
He was a thing of beauty, at least to me. His black hair stuck out on one side whilst the rest was smooth and shiny. He wore leather with silvery buckles and a purple and black cloak. His wings, well, the colors were bold and wild by design. There were shades of green and gold blended with blue and purple. He was dark skinned and handsome. I was in love. Well, not that I would know what love was at that age. Anyway, he stopped when he saw me and frowned.
“You took my coins and now you keep my skates! Help! Help!” I screamed and started to jump up and down. “You try to trick me because I am young and innocent! Gahh!” I wailed and flew up at her, tackling her with all my might.
’Twas not long afore a patrolman entered through the side door of the shop and found me sitting on top of the merchant. My wings flapped so much he could not get to my hands, so he grabbed me by my feet and pulled.
“Here now! What is all this?” he demanded, trying to be gentle, seeing as I was so small and he was so big.
“Ow! Me hair! Let go, ye wicked fae!” The merchant hollered, but ’twas not the worst of it. Nay, in our wrestling about thither, some of the peppermint sticks got stuck in her hair.
“She is trying to trick me." I cried out. “I want my coins back. Behold what has become of my candy.” I seized a piece stuck to her hair and began to pull.
“Ow! Let go or I shall forget ye are but a child, a naughty child!”
The guard eventually managed to pull me off the woman, who stood up, rubbing her back in pain. “She assaulted me." yelled the merchant " Ye saw that, did ye not? Look at me hair!”
The guard, the woman and myself all froze and looked to see who else was about.
The dark fae boy came fluttering over the counter and sat down, looking truly vexed.
"She assaulted me! That is what!" the merchant yelled angrily.
The lad answered, “She might have been provoked. What happened beforehand?”
The merchant explained about the voucher and pointed at the bag to the guard whilst another guard came to see what was going on.
When that nasty old hag finished talking, the guards tied my hands and dragged me away crying. I looked back and saw the woman at her doorway, fussing with the peppermint sticks. I could not resist sticking out my tongue at her.
“Hold up!” The dark fae lad yelled, hurrying after us. “Where go you with my vassal?”
“Vassal? Hah! ’Tis the business of his majesty. On your way, lad,” said one of the guards.
The dark fae boy sighed. He followed the guards and tried again to help. “If you please, must she be arrested? She is young and mayhap she should be sent to her parents, not the palace.”
Oh, joy! He was so brave, whilst I was well, distressed and emotional. He tried to argue with them, but they threatened to arrest him also, so he left. I was lost. My hero disappeared from sight as the guards dragged me to the palace.
I have dreamt about going to the palace one day to mingle with nobles and ladies. Mama told me tales about how grand and beautiful ’twas inside. I saw the outside and marveled at the heavily guarded gate house, towers and public gardens where vendors and villagers met. But never did I thought I would go there as a prisoner.
(to be cont'd on post 3)
(to be cont'd on post 3)
at 1:25 PM